What is the Essence of Courtship in Marriage?

Is courtship still in vogue? If yes, why?

Many times, we hear the word “courtship” and attach a good feeling to it. It feels good to know that two individuals are courting. The beauty that comes with it is lovable, I guess. But then, beyond the beautiful feelings that accompanies two individuals preparing to get married is a question of essence.

What is the essence of Courtship in Marriage?

Is courtship a monument of countless dates at the movies, eateries, perhaps a few intimate moments to steal kisses, enjoy caresses or even test each other’s sex techniques?

If none of the above defines courtship, why would a couple get married after 7 months, 1 year or even two years of courtship and still not know the good and bad sides of the other person? It tells me there is a lot to be checked here.

Perhaps, the question should be: “What is the right foundation of a Christian courtship or marriage? My answer to that question is… God!

We may have to look at the word “GOD” as an acronym in this context.

G – Giver
O – Of
D – Direction

Without God’s direction, your relationship would be a shadow of emptiness (no purpose), pain or failure.

Without God, your courtship or marriage can never fulfill the 3 P’s of marriage. I can imagine you asking the question: “What are the three P’s of marriage?”Marriage quote

The 3 P’s of Marriage

1. Purpose
2. Partnership
3. Procreation

If your courtship lacks the solid foundation of God, learning each other’s likes, dislikes, values, mission, purpose, assignment and direction in life, it is bound to lack one or two of the P’s above.

Some people have happy but ordinary marriages. There is no sense of purpose, direction or partnership. Such marriages endure emptiness, consciously or unconsciously. But then, the beginning of every marriage is courtship. And yes, you’ve got to get it right the first time. Beyond the excitement of being in a courtship and the desire to get married, you’ve got to strongly desire to get it right.

Marriage is two individuals coming together to partner for a common cause. Whereas courtship is two individuals coming together to see if they can partner together for a common cause.

Ebitimi and Esther’s story shared in the previous edition taught a major lesson on the essence of paying attention to the purpose of courtship before marriage. When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. Don’t just jump into marriage… Be wise enough to watch and pray throughout the season of courtship. God’s direction never fails.

“In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.” – Proverbs 3:6

Courtship is not a time of fun, enjoyment or making wedding plans, it is a moment for both parties to engage each other’s spiritual and mental faculties to decipher or discern the cause of their partnership, understand the direction and negotiate the course of their marriage.

The focus of courtship in marriage shouldn’t be on the flesh or just physical attractiveness. You must get to know that person and not the person’s body.

You must not misplace your priorities and be much concerned about sex. You need to build your relationship only on the expression of love of Christ (agape love) and not just body feelings. Try to add value to one another and that should be your foremost priority.

Don’t try to sleep with yourselves before marriage because this is not a replacement for the expression of true love. If you try, it means you don’t really love your intended spouse enough; or else you will not want to take him/her from God’s presence (Gen 3:8)

The moment you start having sex before marriage, you have driven away the spirit of God away from that relationship and the devil will then take over. When the devil takes over, everything will look fine in your eyes until after the marriage; then you will begin to find faults and this will lead the crash. You will begin to think that the other person was not open enough. No, It is because you did not allow God to direct you.

But if you hold yourselves with prayer and do not allow your flesh to control you to give in to sex before marriage, this will give room for God to rightly direct you and by the time you are getting married, you will really be sure that you have made the right choice for each other. Yes, You will be able to prove God’s assurance in your hearts .

So courtship is the period of conscious preparation among two intended people for the fulfillment of God’s call  on their lives in and through marriage. It is important that parents are aware and approve every courtship leading to marriage (Ephesians 6:2-3, Gen 24:58 -61).

What is Christ-Centered Relationships/Courtship

A Christ-centered relationship or Courtship is when a man and woman prayerfully and purposefully seek to establish if marriage is in God’s plan for them. They are deeply rooted in this purpose, spiritual growth and a strong desire to marry whom God has chosen for them. The couple is not testing each other on bed rather courting their brother/sister in Christ to lead to a holy marriage. If the courtship does not lead to marriage, the couple is able to walk away from the relationship without any emotional problem, having been spiritually edified and respectful of one another as followers of Christ.

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